It is Friday my Friends, One of the best days of the week. This day could only get better by a good morning text from my lovely sister (oh, wait that happened), and by my parents visiting me for the weekend (yep, that is happening also), and by leaving work early (in two hours to be exact!). Yes, this Friday is pretty grand thus far. The only thing that would make it more of a downer is someone telling me that they don’t have to go to work today because she received a snow day. Now, I am not going to mention which Denver-ite this is, however, I believe that she should know that I am not jealous because of how epic MY day is going to be (okay, so I am a little jealous of her day off spent reading and making chili and watching the snow fall, but that is between us). I am going to take the high road and say good for you. I don’t care that all the snow is gone here in my part of the country and all that is left for me to play with is sloppy mud and brown grass, just think of the snowman that could make (okay, so my arguing point isn’t very good). Anyways, Friday’s off are one of the greatest things, especially when unexpected. So, sister, enjoy. Add just a tad more zip to your Chili and call it a day, because it will be a grand one! Today really is a day to be happy, and happy I am!
Now I will switch gears on you and get to my list of the day. Before I get to that though, I will have to give you some background on why I am choosing this list of all lists.
So the college I work at has an elevator. Not a big one mind you, but an elevator nonetheless. However, since the school is only three floors, I hardly take the elevator because walking is quite a bit faster than the old thing. Why I decided to take the elevator this morning, who knows, but I must have thought it was a good idea, so I took my sign that needed to be placed on a door and headed out. Another thing you must know is that if you don’t catch the elevator, you will be waiting a very very long time (thus why I usually walk). It is as bad as sitting at a red light that never changes. The point is, I caught it at the last second and there was one other student in the elevator with me. Scenario: Long awkward ride up to the third floor. I mean, this seriously seemed to take about 10 minutes. I can handle awkwardness, but what I couldn’t handle was the surprise smell in there. I believe that I startled this poor student by dashing into the elevator like a maniac that he let one go (this might have been his plan all along and I just happened to come in at the wrong time). However, is this small enclosed space, the smell was very (very) potent. This isn’t what made it awkward. What made it awkward was the fact that someone (me) needed to laugh at the situation and the student could clearly see I thought this awkward situation was hilarious (way to be mature, I know). This got me thinking about how awkward Elevator rides really are. Enter Friday’s List:
30 Things to do in an Elevator
* Press all of the buttons in the elevator when you get out - especially when other people are still in it.
* Introduce your imaginary friend. And have a conversation with them.
* Stand at the front of the elevator, facing the back. [If you are the first person in the elevator to do this, others will probably follow your lead]
* Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
* Sell Girl Scout cookies.
* Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
* When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
* Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
* One word: Flatulence!
* Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
* Meow occasionally.
* Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
* Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
* Say "Ding!" at each floor.
* Lean against the button panel.
* Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Smile and go back for more
* If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler 'Bad touch!'
* Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
* Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
* Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.
* When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape the doors together. Ask for help
* When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field when you try to leave.
* Swat at flies that don't exist.
* Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, "That's mine!"
*Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
* Dressed in coveralls, get in a full elevator and when the door closes, push the stop button, post an out of order sign inside and go to work on the access panel, saying "This may take a minute."
* Whenever the music changes exclaim “I love this Song!”
* When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
* Call out, "Group hug!" and enforce it.
So there you go Friends, solutions to all the awkward moments in elevators. Sorry the list is lengthy today, but so was my story, so I thought it was fitting. I for one have a great feeling about this Friday and I hope you all share my excitement. Open your heart and let yourself go as far as your mind will take you. This will make Friday that much better. Heck, it will make life that much better.
Smile, for today is a great day!